It has dawned on me recently that I've done nothing on devart for the past godknowshowlong besides browse deviations and read other peoples' artistic progress via journals. This is troubling me.
It isn't new that I've been procrastinating lately. I always procrastinate. About everything. It's kind of sad really. There's always something that's holding me back from doing the things that I want to or need to do.
First it was not having an adequate camera for the taking of spectacular pictures. Now I'm holding myself back because I lack to proper photo editing tools to make masterpieces out of the odds and ends of the photos I've since taken. I tried downloading GIMP, a free photo editing software I found a link to on the internets, but I find the multiple window interface confusing and ultimately counter-productive. So I scrapped that and instead learned about the Student Price for adobe products on their website. Only 200 bucks for a copy of Photoshop CS4 Extended. Sounds like a fucking bargain if you ask me.
But then it really boils back down to the one thing that I never seem to have enough of: Moolah. I'm not making any more than about 175 bucks per month, and the then-too-good-to-be-true sounding job offer that arose about a month ago has seemed to indeed been too good to be true. With any luck I'll get hired sooner rather than later but sooner could be within a couple of months, a time period I'm not going to enjoy going through without proper pay.

So in the end, my creativity has hit a brick wall lined with barbed wire and doesn't seem to want to dislodge it's brittle skull from the briny tangles anytime soon. I always seem to be waiting for SOMETHING to happen to take my photography to another level, but all that's ended up happening is the realization that I need to stop relying on other things to take me where I want to go. I haven't quite grasped the fact that it is I who needs to bring myself there.

And until that happens, my account with be the desolate, art-less wasteland it has been for years now, as it's predecessor was before it.

If you stick around this site long enough, it may just pay off in the end.